I was getting ready for my big presentation, feeling like the star of my own corporate drama...

...when a single button popped off my blazer. I didn't just pick it up. I knelt down, picked it up like a fallen relic, gazed out the window, and whispered, 'The first crack in the facade. So it begins.'

My male friends can leave the house in five minutes flat.

I need five minutes just to locate my 'everyday' purse, which usually contains a rogue earring, three different chapsticks, and the entire emotional baggage of my 20s.

He said on his dating app bio that he was 'tired of the games' and 'ready for something real.'

Then his opening message was 'You up?' with a GIF of a dog wearing sunglasses.

My therapist told me I needed to 'be present' and 'live in the moment.'

So now I just aggressively stare at my to-do list, convinced I'm practicing mindfulness.