I was trying to thread a needle, but the eye was just too small.

My grandma just winked and said, "Sometimes, honey, you just gotta lick it to get it in."

My girlfriend told me she wanted to experiment with something new in bed. She said, 'Let's try anal.'

I said, 'Honey, I've been trying that for years. It's called marriage.'

I've been dating a professional gemologist, and she's been teaching me about the importance of clarity and brilliance in our relationship.

But honestly, I'm just looking for someone with a little more cut to them.

I told my date I was an avid explorer.

She said, 'Oh really? So you're good at finding hidden passages and going deep into unknown territory?'