I've been dating a girl who's a professional taxidermist, and she's always trying to get me to mount something that's been dead for a while.

I've been dating a professional geologist, and she's been teaching me about the importance of excavation and getting to the core of our relationship.

Now I'm feeling the pressure to penetrate deeper and make a lasting impression.

I've been taking sailing lessons from a beautiful instructor, and she's been teaching me about the importance of tacking, coming about, and making sharp turns to stay on course.

Now I'm hooked on her techniques, and she's helping me navigate the waters of intimacy, one buoy at a time.

My girlfriend told me she loves foreplay.

I told her, 'Great, because I usually need about an hour and a half just to get my socks off.'