My wife told me she wanted to get down on her hands and knees, go deeper than ever before, and really let me take control from behind to ensure everything was spotless.

Turns out she was just talking about scrubbing the stubborn grout in the bathroom.

I've been dating a girl who's a professional glassblower, and she's always trying to get me to help her shape something delicate and fragile.

Now she says I'm really good at blowing things out of proportion.

I told my date I was a master of seduction and could make any woman swoon.

She just laughed and said I was just a bass player.

My therapist told me that for a relationship to really work, both partners need to put in the effort.

So I asked my girlfriend if she'd mind doing a few more squats.