I matched with a guy on a dating app who claimed to be a 'free spirit' with a 'passion for adventure'

But his Instagram stories were just 12 consecutive posts of him eating the same breakfast burrito at his desk

My male colleague just got promoted for his 'bold vision' and 'strategic foresight.'

And I just got an email praising my 'excellent organizational skills' after I color-coded the entire department's shared drive.

I've started following all the fashion bloggers who post about 'aging gracefully' and 'embracing my natural beauty'

which is just code for 'I'm 30 now and have to buy better moisturizer'

My morning commute isn't just a drive to work.

It's the opening credits sequence of my own indie film, complete with a carefully curated soundtrack, intense stares into the middle distance, and every other driver is an extra in the grand narrative of my day.