When my wife and I were dating, I'd bring her flowers just because.

Now, if I bring home the correct brand of paper towels, she looks at me like I just won the lottery.

I asked the happy couple what their secret to a harmonious marriage was, and they told me it's all about compromise.

Which is just a nice way of saying they're both still learning to pretend to listen to each other.

We started planning our wedding with a simple vision: a beautiful venue, delicious food, and all our favorite people.

Now we're just trying to find a venue that will let us pay in stress tears and has a witness protection program for the bridal party.

I've noticed that marriage is a lot like a computer update

At first, it's exciting and full of new features, but eventually, it just takes up a lot of space and sometimes freezes on you.