My girlfriend told me she wanted something for her birthday that she could ride all night long.

So I went out and bought her a Peloton.

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to 'take her breath away' in bed.

I said, 'Honey, I thought we agreed we were done with the chokeholds.'

I've been dating a professional upholsterer, and she's been teaching me how to reupholster our love life.

Now we're stitching together a strong relationship, one layer at a time, and it's getting deeper with every seam.

I've been dating a professional librarian, and she's been teaching me about the importance of cataloging and shelving our desires.

But it turns out, her favorite position is still 'between the stacks'.