I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?

...So I can call my wife and ask her where I left my glasses.

Are you a box of Valentine's chocolates?

Because I can't wait to unwrap you... and then I'm probably just going to eat all the good ones first.

Are you a love potion?

Because I'm under your spell... and now I can't find my car keys.

This Valentine's Day, I'm celebrating by getting into a long-term, committed relationship.

With my couch and a streaming service. We're very exclusive.