Valentine's Day always makes me think of couples like competitive athletes...

...they spend all year casually dating, then on February 14th, it's suddenly the Olympics of romance.

Why did the heart go to the doctor on Valentine's Day?

Because it had a few heartaches to work through and wanted a love-ly checkup

I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away...

...trying to read the tiny print on this candy heart.

I'm not arguing that Valentine's Day is overrated, but

I just think it's a holiday created by florists and jewelers to make singles feel like they're in a real-life game of 'Monopoly' – paying rent, but no one's getting a free park.