Is it hot in here, or is it just you?

Because my Valentine's chocolates are melting faster than my romantic expectations.

Why did the rose go to the party on Valentine's Day?

Because it was a blooming good time

I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away...

...trying to read the tiny print on this candy heart.

I'm not arguing that Valentine's Day is overrated, but

I just think it's a holiday created by florists and jewelers to make singles feel like they're in a real-life game of 'Monopoly' – paying rent, but no one's getting a free park.