My girlfriend told me she wanted to spice things up in the bedroom, said she wanted me to try 'anything I've always fantasized about.'

So I spent the night meticulously organizing my sock drawer, occasionally asking her if she liked the new filing system.

They say men fantasize about having sex with multiple women.

And women fantasize about having sex with *one* man who doesn't need directions.

My cooking instructor always emphasized the importance of proper preparation.

He said you need to tenderize your meat thoroughly before you really pound it.

My boss told me I need to stop coming up short on my deadlines.

I told him, 'At least I'm not the one coming early.'