I've been dating a professional upholsterer, and she's been teaching me how to reupholster our love life.

Now we're stitching together a strong relationship, one layer at a time, and it's getting deeper with every seam.

My wife told me she wants me to 'go all night' in the bedroom.

I told her, 'Honey, I barely make it through the opening credits without falling asleep, let alone the director's cut.'

I've been dating a professional chocolatier, and she's been teaching me about the art of molding relationships.

Now I know why our love is so rich and nutty, but sometimes it leaves a bitter aftertaste.

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to be more passionate and put more effort into our sex life.

I told her, 'Baby, I'm putting in all the effort *I've got*. You want more, you gotta start paying me.'