Are you a Valentine's Day candy heart?

Because you're 'sweet' and full of 'messages'... and probably a little chalky.

People always ask me what my significant other is getting me for Valentine's Day.

My significant other is Amazon Prime, and they're getting me whatever I put in my cart at 2 AM last Tuesday.

I've been trying to find the perfect Valentine's Day gift

but it's hard when the only person I'm shopping for is my cat, and all she wants is tuna

Why did the flower shop run out of roses on Valentine's Day?

Because everyone wanted to bouquet their love!