I've been dating a girl who's a professional taxidermist, and she's always trying to get me to mount something that's been dead for a while.

I've started dating a professional tattoo artist, and she's been teaching me about the different types of ink and needles.

But I'm starting to think she's just using me for practice, because every time we're together, she's always trying to get under my skin.

My wife always tells me I need to work on my presentation skills.

She says I rush through the intro and don't spend enough time on the visuals.

My girlfriend asked me what the difference was between me and a vibrator.

I told her, 'Well, I can make you breakfast the next morning.'