I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away...

...trying to read the tiny print on this candy heart.

Why did the coffee file a police report on Valentine's Day?

Because it got mugged by love

Why did the couple bring a ladder on their Valentine's Day date?

Because they wanted to take their relationship to new heights

I've come to realize that my love life is like a recipe for disaster.

It's got all the right ingredients: loneliness, disappointment, and a pinch of desperation.