My girlfriend told me she wanted me to be more passionate and put more effort into our sex life.

I told her, 'Baby, I'm putting in all the effort *I've got*. You want more, you gotta start paying me.'

My career counselor said I needed to figure out how to get ahead in life.

I told her I thought I was already quite proficient at it.

I told my girlfriend I was thinking of taking up a new instrument.

She said, 'Why? You already have one, and you barely know how to play it yet.'

I've been dating a girl who's a professional glassblower, and she's always trying to get me to help her shape something delicate and fragile.

Now she says I'm really good at blowing things out of proportion.