I told my friend I was planning a romantic Valentine's Day dinner

for one, with a movie, a pizza, and a strongly worded letter to my fridge for being empty

Why did the rose go to the party on Valentine's Day?

Because it was a blooming good time

I'm celebrating Valentine's Day this year by

reorganizing my Netflix queue into 'alone and happy' categories.

Why did the coffee file a police report on Valentine's Day?

Because it got mugged by love