Are you a Valentine's Day coupon?

Because you're a discount on my loneliness and I want to redeem you

My friends asked what my big romantic plans were for Valentine's Day.

I told them I'm having a passionate affair... with my sweatpants and a gallon of ice cream. It's complicated, but we make it work.

Is your heart a target?

Because Cupid keeps missing it and hitting my wallet.

Are you a box of chocolates on Valentine's Day?

Because you're making my heart melt, and I think I'm nuts about you!