I've learned that marriage is all about finding creative ways to ask for permission

like, 'Honey, can I turn the thermostat down?' is actually just code for 'Can I still be in charge of something?'

Before [Bride's Name] came along, [Groom's Name]'s five-year plan mostly involved saving up for a new gaming console or perhaps a slightly less dented car.

Now, his vision for the future includes things like joint bank accounts, matching towels, and figuring out the optimal feng shui for their spice rack.

I was talking to the groom about his expectations for married life

He said he's looking forward to having a partner in crime, and I think he's going to get that – every time they look at their joint bank statement

I've been thinking, marriage is like a GPS navigation system

because it starts out saying 'recalculating your life' and eventually just says 'arriving at your destination, love you, turn left'