My Valentine's Day plans are pretty elaborate.

First, I'm making dinner for two. Then I'm eating both servings.

I've come to realize that my love life is like a recipe for disaster.

It's got all the right ingredients: loneliness, disappointment, and a pinch of desperation.

Some people spend Valentine's Day searching for their soulmate.

I'm just trying to decide if my soulmate is the pizza delivery guy or the remote control.

My Valentine's Day plans involve a very deep, very passionate relationship...

...with an entire pizza I don't have to share.