Are you a Valentine's card?

Because you're covered in glitter... and now my whole house is too.

I'm not single on Valentine's Day, I'm just

in a long-distance relationship with my couch and Netflix.

They say diamonds are forever, and chocolate melts in your mouth, not in your hand...

...but my preferred Valentine's gift is a streaming service that doesn't ask 'Are you still watching?' because it *knows* I am.

I love how on Valentine's Day, restaurants add a special surcharge

for being lonely together