My financial advisor told me I really needed to diversify my assets.

I told him, 'Don't worry, I already have a very well-rounded portfolio.'

My dentist told me I needed a deep cleaning.

I told him I thought he was only interested in my teeth.

I've been dating a girl who's a sex therapist, and she's always trying to diagnose our problems in the bedroom.

But honestly, I think she's just trying to bill me by the hour.

I've been dating a girl who's really into astrology, and she told me our love was written in the stars.

But honestly, I think our love life is more like a lunar cycle – it's all about the phases, and sometimes it's just a dark void for weeks.