My girlfriend asked me to help her with a new recipe last night. She said it needed a lot of careful preparation, a firm grip, and then I really had to beat it hard until it was stiff and peaked, ready for her to spread it out and enjoy.

Turns out she was just making meringue.

My girlfriend told me she wanted to experiment with something new in bed. She said, 'Let's try anal.'

I said, 'Honey, I've been trying that for years. It's called marriage.'

My girlfriend told me she loves our road trips.

She says she really enjoys the way the engine vibrates between her legs after a long, hot ride.

My girlfriend told me she wanted to try some 'kinky stuff' in the bedroom last night. She pulled out a blindfold, some ropes, and a feather duster.

I asked her, 'So, are we having sex, or are you just finally going to clean that dust bunny under the bed that's been watching us?'