Are you a Valentine's Day coupon?

Because you're redeemable in my heart, but unfortunately, you're also expiring soon if you don't go out with me.

I'm not single on Valentine's Day, I'm just

in a long-distance relationship with my couch and Netflix.

I appreciate Valentine's Day for its commitment to romance.

Especially how it reminds us that true love only lasts for about 24 hours before everything goes on sale.

My friends asked what my big romantic plans were for Valentine's Day.

I told them I'm having a passionate affair... with my sweatpants and a gallon of ice cream. It's complicated, but we make it work.