I've started calling Valentine's Day something new

Singles Awareness Day, but that's just a fancy way of saying Tuesday

My ideal Valentine's Day involves a long, loving relationship...

...with my remote control and a very large pizza.

Are you a Valentine's Day greeting card?

Because you have a special delivery to my heart!

If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber...

...but I'm really looking for a beet, because I heard they're good for your heart.