I've decided to treat myself on Valentine's Day

Because let's be real, I'm the only one who still thinks I'm a good catch

I'm not arguing that Valentine's Day is overrated, but

I just think it's a holiday created by florists and jewelers to make singles feel like they're in a real-life game of 'Monopoly' – paying rent, but no one's getting a free park.

Valentine's Day is when everyone celebrates finding their 'better half'.

I'm celebrating my 'better *alone* half' – the one who gets the whole couch and doesn't have to share snacks.

Why did Cupid's arrow go to therapy?

Because it had a lot of 'pointed' issues to work through.