My boss told me I need to stop coming up short on my deadlines.

I told him, 'At least I'm not the one coming early.'

Why did the man get fired from the sperm bank?

He kept eating the samples.

My piano teacher told me I needed to work on my fingering.

I said, "I'm trying, but not on a keyboard."

I've been dating a girl who's a talented photographer, and she's always trying to get the perfect shot

But honestly, I think she's just looking for a good exposure